Babble of the Sexes

Here’s a little something from Oswald Chambers this morning. The line that caught our eye: "Why shouldn’t we go through heartbreaks?"

Do you not know . . . that you are not your own? 1 Cor. 6:19.

There is no such thing as a private life—‘a world within the world’—for a man or woman who is brought into fellowship with Jesus Christ’s sufferings. God breaks up the private life of His saints, and makes it a thoroughfare for the world on the one hand and for Himself on the other. No human being can stand that unless he is identified with Jesus Christ. We are not sanctified for ourselves, we are called into the fellowship of the Gospel, and things happen which have nothing to do with us, God is getting us into fellowship with Himself. Let Him have his way, if you do not, instead of being of the slightest use to God in His Redemptive work in the world, you will be a hindrance and a clog.

The first thing God does with us is to get us based on rugged Reality until we do not care what becomes of us individually as long as He gets His way for the purpose of His Redemption. Why shouldn’t we go through heartbreaks? Through these doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God’s purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so-called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death-bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says—‘Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.’ If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.

Chambers, Oswald: My Utmost for His Highest : Selections for the Year. Grand Rapids, MI : Discovery House Publishers, 1993, c1935, S. November 1

We’re happy to announce a four part DVD-based series for teens on sex and dating.

The boxed set contains two DVDs and a 60 page leaders book. The series for teens features:

+ Real-life interviews with teenagers from across the country.

+ Understand the purpose of dating and how to respect ourselves and each other.

+ Four sessions with insightful topics:

• Boundaries
• The Role of Dating
• Tough Issues for Guys
• Tough Issues for Girls

If you are involved in youth ministry and have a lot of public school students or new believers, this series is for you. Shoot us an email using the Dating Help/Contact Us link in the menu bar at the top of this page and we’ll get you hooked up with one.

I wasn’t afraid of submission.

I’d read what the Bible had said about submission.  I’d read all the books about Christian marriage.  I was emotionally and mentally prepared.  I’d come to the conclusion that should Mike and I disagree on a matter … oh, say, something like whether or not we ought to move to Sydney or Nepal … I would behave as an Executive Vice President … after having thoroughly voiced my point of view, then praying about the matter, and finally, finding that we still disagreed, I would then submit to his decision.  No problem! 

But I wasn’t prepared for dealing with small matters of business.

We had just moved into our apartment after being married for a month. I was trying my best to be helpful but failing miserably.  I’d made it impossible to move in stages by misunderstanding a comment Mike made and interpreted it as “Right.  We’ll pack everything up and be completely moved in by tonight.” I’d packed too many books into one box and broke it.  I’d folded Mike’s clothes in the wrong way and he had to refold them all.  The next morning I was a wreck!  When Mike came into the kitchen and moved a stack of bowls from the shelf to the cupboard, I broke.  (Slowly, at first.)  Read the rest of this entry »

Just as a brief disclaimer, the "famous" references in parts 1 & 2 of these posts are tongue in cheek for the most part.  We don’t see ourselves as famous by any stretch…

We don’t know about you, but we’re really excited to see Christine dig into the S-word here on Babble!  And while we had thought of using Christine’s writing gifts for awhile now, we really felt led to ask her after a couple of posts on her personal blog started getting critical comments.  In fact, one post even had Christine publicly pondering a self-imposed shuttering of her blog or her sharing observations and insights into her new wedded bliss (or something like it.)  So we thought the timing was perfect to provide some ‘covering’ for Christine’s observations on the sexes.

What Christine and all writers that are widely read experience is that not everyone agrees with you all the time.  And statistically, people that are critical tend to comment more than those that are in agreement.  We guess it’s just human nature to experience "the pain of an unshared thought." 

The truth is that some of our most successful books have two rabid demographics: those that hate something in the books and those that love our books. 

Look at almost any widely read book on Amazon and you’ll find both five star and one star reviews.  Just a little tip for aspiring writers out there: when writing for the enjoyment and enrichment of the multitude, not everyone is going to agree with your advice, assumptions, or observations.  And when that happens (and it will,) don’t forget the ten (thousand?) people that your writing did impact positively; that did feel that your thoughts applied to them and their lives.

Sharing your thoughts and observations with the public is not for everyone.  Frankly, it takes guts to do it on a blog that’s widely read, let alone publishing a book on it.  The main thing we tell writers to tell their critics is to encourage the critics to write their own book instead of attempting to rewrite ours!

We love risk takers that love others enough to be transparent and tell it like it is regardless of their age, experience, or degrees.  Some people are just gifted (see Christine.)  So if this is you, drop us a line at Dear Babble and maybe we can add you to our growing list of bloggers on life amongst the sexes.

Who knows?  Maybe we’ll make you famous.  :-)

One of the strange but common things we’ve had to get used to in writing books on relationships is people knowing us (and us not knowing them.) You kind of get used to it; speak at a singles conference, people come up and introduce themselves, mention some tidbit about our lives that we forgot we shared in written form, and then we try and not act all weirded out. It’s not too bad because we’re prepared; in the Marriable frame of mind if you will.

The strangest thing about being an author is what happened yesterday. We had a great morning at church and we offered a lunch out on the town to our two-year old daughter Addy. She instantly blurted "eat at the mall", "the mall" being Opry Mills, a huge mall located right next the the Opryland Hotel and the Grand Ole Opry. Nothing better to a two-year old little girl than acres of shopping with a carousel in the middle of the food court.

So back to the strangest thing, we finish lunch and decide to walk it off in the mall, visiting Addy’s animatronic Hippo friend in front of the Rainforest Cafe. Once we pried Addy away from her plastic snorting buddy, a young woman approached us and asked if we were Hayley and Michael DiMarco. She proceeded to tell us she just finished Marriable and introduced us to her mother (who is now reading the book) and her six month old son. When this happens, it’s always strange because we’re just shopping, eating, or trying to make it through airport security.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s a bit awkward the first time you do it.  You’ve heard of it, read of it, dreaded it, looked forward to it.  Pastors preached about it.  Your mother sat you down and had a talk about it.  You and your single friends have discussed what you might expect from it.  But when the wedding bells have chimed and there’s already smudges of icing on the dress, your nerves begin take over.  You’re a bit unsure of yourself. You’re afraid.  Will he be gentle with you?  What if he fails and disappoints you?  What if you can’t do it?

He’s a bit unsure of himself.  He even feels a bit unworthy.  It’s what every man dreams of … and yet, it’s an enormous responsibility.  He longs to protect you from any harm.  But what if he unintentionally hurts you despite his best intentions?  In the ensuing “dance” will you yield to his guiding or pull away in disgust?

Ah, that dirty word that starts with S that all newly married couples must come to terms with: SUBMISSION.  If the word doesn’t immediately conjure up severe emotions of disgust, then it certainly simmers in fear.

via People Mag:

From the "This just in" department, actor Kristen Bell, formerly of Veronica Mars fame and currently appearing in Heroes, says that "when you are single, you’ve got to be accountable…you wake up in the morning and go to bed at night thinking about who you really are. It’s good. But dating is scary." 

Isn’t it nice to be reminded that money and fame has no (positive) affect on love and dating?

Hayley and I have often thought, "how hard must it be to have on screen relationships that are scripted, maybe even perfectly written and then try to live a life unscripted?" 

I once knew a ballerina that was the most clumsy person I’ve ever met.  She could move flawlessly through a performance, exactly how it was choreographed, but watching her dance through life freestyle was akin to a bull in a china shop. 

So raise your glasses everyone to Kristen and the rest of the world, single or not, attempting to live and love unscripted.

When I first met Michael and Hayley, I had been single for 24 ½ years.  No … wait … ok, there was Robert from Guam when I was 10 years old.  (Ah, that ended badly.  “Christine, if you don’t get rid of your new glasses, I won’t be your boyfriend anymore.”  Sigh.  You can read the whole story here.) Yes, besides that brief affair, I’d never said “I love you” to any man but my father.

Before you applaud me for holding out for Mr. Right, there are a couple of things you should be aware of.  Mike was not my first kiss because I said “no” to others … ha … there just weren’t any others.

I was always that friend.  You know … that friend who friends went to talk to about their relationships.  That friend who the guys hung out with because there was no danger of our friendship ever getting complicated with feelings. That friend who usually ends up as always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

I was the friend.  I was the shoulder to cry on.  I was the ear that listened.  I was the heart that empathized. 

Other people fell in love.  Not me.  And that’s the way I liked it.

I saw the mess.  I saw the hurt that people caused each other when they were “in love.”  And I did not want to hurt someone. 

Wait!  Didn’t you mean you didn’t want to get hurt?

Read the rest of this entry »

We are very pumped to welcome Christine Jolly as the first addition to our new focus as a group blog here at babbleofthesexes.com! Christine is smart and insightful beyond her years in recognizing the silly things that men and women do in looking for love.

Christine is our "newlywed-in-residence" who is refreshingly transparent in her writing, especially if she feels her mistakes could help others.  She also has a passion for inspiring women to live for God in ways that, in turn, inspire the men in their lives.

Christine has historically always had lively discussions on her personal blog, I’d rather laugh than cry, and we thought we’d validate much of her "standing in the gap" writing (and commentors pummeling) by welcoming her to a bigger forum!

Here’s a bio for ya to read, and please welcome Christine in the comments when you get a chance!

"But you don’t sound German!  You’re unlike any homeschooler I’ve ever met!  You deprive the world of the gift of your height by not playing basketball!  You met your husband how?!"  Christine Jolly always thought she was fairly normal till she began receiving exclamatory statements like these.  A simple question like "Where are you from?" leaves her stammering for words.  "Um, do you mean where did I JUST come from?  or where did I grow up?  or where I went to University?"  (And don’t even think of asking her where she was born!) She could answer, "Germany" … and yet, her American accent gives her away … hmm, she’s quite an enigma. 

Read the rest of this entry »

PJ wrote: 

I am a 42 year old, single-mom. My oldest son who is now 19 was reading your book "Marriable." I picked it up and started going through it and found that was not just for "the young", but singles in general. Now I am reading it. I have been married twice with sad outcomes. Now 2 years after my second divorce, I am dating someone who is really very wonderful! Of course!

He is a widower and has been for almost 7 years. I am the first woman he has dated since he lost his wife and only love until me. We have been dating 9 months now and have told each other that we love each other and care deeply for each other. When we first started dating he told me that he could not imagine ever getting married again, but he never thought he would date again either. So I felt if this is God’s will, I have nothing to lose! Now after 9 months and playing totally by the rules; he tells me that he cannot say that he is any closer to wanting to remarry again. Read the rest of this entry »