In the realm of dating and singleness, Hayley and I are known for not pulling punches.
So guys, here's one to the gut:
Coffee is not 'just coffee', coffee is a date.
Is coffee the same as dinner and a movie? No. Is it the same as meeting the parents? No. But it's still a date.
Look, I get why you guys are saying it. You're tired of every hottie giving you a quick once over and saying to herself, "I'm not gonna marry this guy, so what's the point?" Either that or "seems nice enough, but I'm too busy with work/school/ministry to go down that road right now."
So that's the reason for the "hey, it's just coffee baby."
For the girl with the "not right now in my life," guys, you have to respect that. You obviously are into her, so why are you pushing for a situation that she doesn't want or fooling yourself into thinking you can keep your thoughts at "just coffee"? Don't lie to her or yourself to try and get what you want.
As for the five second appraisal of your suitability as her mate, no doubt, you've got a point. Christian girls can be way picky. But then again, if they weren't, they'd already be with some loser and not available for you to drool, er, I mean, respect all over. Guys, you have to remember that girls have been fed this load of jamba juice that says, "make a list of the qualities you want in a perfect husband, then pray over these that God would bring that man to you." So in between her chick flicks and romance novels (HISTORICAL FICTION, WHOOOO!) she scans the coffee shops and worship centers for this holier-than-thou, hunky, recently shunned Amish Frankenstud to answer her dreams.
But as anyone that's married can attest, marriage is the biggest sanctifying tool that God has in his arsenal, followed closely by parenthood. As many have said before me, God doesn't want to make you happy (in marriage,) he wants to make you holy.
Girls (and some guys out there,) rip up your list and make a new one. List everything that God wants to change in you that you have refused to change up to now. Have some annoyances that drive you up the wall? Guess what? God can't wait for you to marry that person! Need the windows open at night? Good luck with that. Because when God makes two into one, guess what? THE MIRROR TALKS BACK TO YOU NOW. Sin can't stay hidden for long. You start to realize just how self-centered you've become and how love is anything but.
Yet, before I digress too far into these acts of Cupidity, let's get back to the subject at hand: Christian girls can be too picky. But that doesn't mean you stop calling something a date just so they'll go out with you. If guys can learn to handle rejection better, then maybe we can convince girls to accept more exploratory java dates since the risk of crying seminary boys will be greatly reduced.
Before I end this flame towards my beloved brothers and sisters, let me just say that yes, I realize there are Christian guys out there of questionable personal hygiene that expect a virgin Sports Illustrated bikini model that's prepared to talk eschatology on the first date. To you fellas I say: russianhotty-amillenial-brides.com.
Let's all call things for what they are, whether we're a Christian, Christ-follower, Christ-doer, Christ-embodier, Emergent, Remergent, Unmergent, or whatever.
Any one-on-one planned social meet-up with the opposite sex, regardless of beverage, is a date. If it's not, you might be fooling her, you might even be fooling yourself, but you ain't foolin' me or the barista.
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