Men Chase, Women Catch

Posted on Jan 22, 2010 Posted by Hayley

One of the main problems with The Bachelor is that the man is not required to chase, and women are rewarded for during the pursuing.

Elizabeth got the boot last week for making the chase into a sexually charged tease fest. It might be an old fashioned notion in some circles, but we believe that the true art of the chase dictates that man chases woman, and woman catches man. But how does that happen? Or better yet why?

Here's a little something we wrote on this topic of Cupidity back in our book "The Art of the Chase":

Let’s start with the latter, why should men be the ones doing the chasing? Surely a woman can do anything a man can do. Yes, that’s true. We wouldn’t argue that. But just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should! And the same is true of chasing. Women can chase men all day long. And women can catch men. But the question is, do women really want men who are too afraid to chase them? Do women really want to be the stronger person, the emotional rock of the relationship? Do you, woman, really want to be with a man who wasn’t attracted enough to you to go after you himself? Here’s the truth that you have to realize when you’re a woman who thinks that chasing is up to whoever wants to do it, when a man is attracted to a woman he will chase her, it’s in his DNA. When he doesn’t chase her, it’s because he isn’t interested (or learned how to chase!) Period. The end. So when you find a man, and he’s not moving, don’t assume he’s just waiting for you to make the first move. Sure, he might respond well when you do, but that’s because he’s flattered. Who wouldn’t be? But it’s not because you’re woman of his dreams. It’s not because he can’t live without you. And it’s not because you’re all he thinks about. It’s because you’re a woman and you made it easy. And men are lazy creatures.

Exhibit A – the remote control, their favorite household item.

Exhibit B - The dirty dishes in the sink of every bachelor in town.

Exhibit C – the built in mini fridge in the arm chair.

Need we go on? If there is an easy way to do things man will figure it out! So when you do the asking woman, he easily says yes because what the heck, all the works already been done. Wow, what an expression of devotion! What a testimony to his passion for you. Wrong! But hey, you’ll do in the meantime, till he finds someone who turns him on enough for him to want to chase her.

When a man is attracted to something, be it a car, a job, a woman, he will stop at nothing to get it. Just look at every teenage guy who spends every last penny to buy a Playstation or new rims for his car. He’ll go to school, work 3 jobs, and save up every penny in order to have the car his heart yearns for ! Because when a man really wants something there’s nothing that will stop him going after it. Because of this we say, men chase! If they don’t then frankly, they aren’t that interested. And we want women to spend their time and energy on men who are interested not men who think ‘she’ll do.’ How romantic!

So if you want the Art of the Chase to change your love life, you’re going to have to concur, or at least to give a listen to the idea that men pursue and women catch.

Women catch, because ultimately women do play a huge role in the men whose hearts they capture. But it’s a subtle, mysterious, and beautiful role, not a direct, ‘I don’t have a lot of time, my biological clock is ticking, let’s get this show on the road,’ kind of role. When women decide that it’s up to them to chase a man they end up in one of two scenarios. Either they look desperate or they look unremarkable. If he’s not at all interested she looks desperate, but if he isn’t ‘not interested’ then she comes of looking rather unremarkable. Take it from our favorite commentary on the dating lives of singles today, The Bachelor. Remember the bachelorette who told the bachelor upon their first meeting, ‘I need to procreate! Are you ready to procreate?!’ Millions of jaws across America dropped in disbelief. Why? She was only being assertive and honest, two very healthy qualities. Okay, we’ll give you that, but what did those healthy qualities get her? The boot!

Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. Every season, if you watch carefully, you’ll notice that the bachelorette who pesters, and paws, after the bachelor never makes it very far. While the one who lets him chase her, in the midst of all those girls, the one who lets him do the work is always one of the finally three. And most of the time the bachelor will remark about how mysterious she is. Whereas those who ask things like, ‘what are you doing with the other bachelorettes?’ ‘why do you even like her?’ or ‘I need to know how you feel’ soon find themselves roseless and on their way home. The Art of the Chase plays itself out each season that the bachelorettes line up to capture the newest bachelor. When women chase they look desperate, but when they let men chase them they look desirable.

If this seems preposterous and out-dated to you we’ll ask the question again, if you keep doing what you’re doing you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Is that enough?